Intense life: side bars: Big Sister

--Mme de Thoux, as usual, managed to find me while I was traveling to deliver a talk in her neck of the woods and invited me for a drink in her new house. A marvel of impeccable taste and decoration, magnificent (though a little bare, or barren, and cold, in my opinion, but I am not of the same school of living and daily things...)
You could sense the class, yes, but also the emptiness in the perfect arrangement of things. And while it was a beauty, with flowers everywhere, art, state of the art appliances, and intelligent use of space and surfaces, it only had live when she was in. I did not ask where M. de Thoux was. I had a very nice time, all thanks to her personality and unique warmth, but left two hours later, if that, with a strange feeling that she was very lonely in her palace, and would easily abandon all that for a little life and human warmth, or even... reality?

-- Much to my surprise, I discovered years later, in fact a whole decade later, that one of my talks, which I had been invited to give a few hundred miles away, had been thoroughly, if unofficially, sponsored by Mme de Thoux all on her own.
Again, I was surprised at the skills, the interest, the tender indifference of this unusual woman. The woman who told me this, very casually and matter-of-factly, has I was doing small talk at a professional gathering about ten years later, told me that in fact, Mme de Thoux had been personally involved and that it took a lot of work. I was clearly surprised, as was that woman when she realized I had no idea that I had an involved benefactor who has pulled all the strings and gotten down to nitty-gritty work on my behalf.

-- As I reflected upon Mme de Thoux's involvement in, and support of, so many parts of my life, her sneaky follow-up and unofficial help in many of my endeavors from behind the scene, I also wondered if she was not just planning her "post-M. de Thoux" life, with me in the role of the chosen heir and next... next what? Next husband? Next companion, official or not?
I certainly was not ready or sure that I wanted that, and it appeared to be a ludicrous thought. But she certainly was one of the toughest, most dynamic (as in "active") pursuers of all her goals I had ever encountered. And her unique mix of money and power, charm, her quiet but powerful, if not irresistible, ways of convincing and motivating people to do what she wanted, was quite a... weapon?
One might say she was calculating, others might see it as do-good volunteer work, a kind of active and personalized philanthropy. But I also knew she was in a way courting me, even if actively supporting cultural and intellectual endeavors, thank you, yes.
I developed an uneasy feeling that I was getting slowly but surely caught, or trapped, in a gilded cage, although I was officially totally free. And yet, anywhere, any time,it seemed I was never free from Mme de Thoux's reach, a kind of benevolent Big Sister... of sorts.
Not that I was always unwilling, but unknowing most of the time, yes I was.
I felt a bit like Candid in the world of politicking and influence trafficking, a pawn, in any case, in the hands of a benevolent witch, or of a good fairy?
An aged boy toy, whose brains (if any), personality, and independence did not matter to the puppet handler...

Bar & Hils revisited

Not to add more oil to the fire but I had the luck to see and hear Hillary and Barack 12 hours apart or so, back to back, and the reports seem right... She is getting energized and he is getting winded.
While he is lively, likeable, humorous, she is impressive with facts and ideas, impeccable delivery, unfaltering for 45 minutes straight, while he meanders and is (was then) looking for words.
No doubt, everyone gets tired and you could not pay me to have their lives.
But, could the wind be turning, indeed? Experience showing in terms of resiliency and pure physical stamina?
Worrisome.
Especially, as in the meantime, Johnny boy is just whistling Dixie, peacefully waiting for the end of the duel to the death, to take on the survivor. And yet,he looked rather tired and showing his age on the news (I have not seen him in the flesh, true).

If Bar is stumbling now, that is not going to be an easy road to November... And count on the unknown and little spoken fact that some, if not many people, will indeed come out of the woodwork to vote against him for reasons that have nothing to do with talent, brains, abilities, or charisma.
In the North Carolina race for senator between Jesse Helms and Harvey Gantt, with Gantt given as the favorite, he lost to one of the most narrow-minded and most powerful incumbent senators of the twentieth-century, just because in the polls people would not dare state that they'd never vote for the Black man. So, they came out in droves to re-elect Jesse, who belonged to a century that preceded the twentieth. Things may have changed, yes, and Bar has the charisma, yeap, but it will take more than that to win it all, and Hils is a toughie, and a survivor.
Again,she was "impressive", and Bar was not. Shame...

I don't dare say "What a race!" because too much is at stake, and this is not just a soap opera or a boxing match expected to just generate a show and excitement for couch potatoes with their six-packs, and yet, this is America, where we water down, trivialize, and sweat everything!...

Semi-Fiction 11 : Taxing Time for a Classy guy

I happened to be at a professional conference early Summer in one of those big, busy hotels, and going to the bathroom, I see there a guy I knew back from college days. David.. something, some Italian name, I can't remember for sure, and all the salami and pastrami sure shows on his belly....
He was there for another conference, a tax accountants' gathering. Of course, I nicely comment on how he must he busy as the end of the fiscal year approaches and he tells me the entire half-year has been one big female dog.
-- Well, yeah, I guess, with taxes in April and then fiscal year finishing two months later, I guess you must be swamped, yeah.
-- Well, of course, but that's not what did me in.
-- What? Are you in good health? I hope you..
-- No,no, that's not it. Women, man.
-- What?
-- Well, yeah, my wife's a pain in the ass already, and like an ass, I found myself a nice little girlfriend. As matter of fact, this is kind of funny, I bumped into her at another conference when coming out of the restrooms, just like you and me now. I was just zipping myself up and, boom, ran smack into her...
-- Well, she was not in the men's rooms, was she?
-- No no, but just leaving the men's rooms, I bumped into her, like, like the other side of this door, man. Actually, she was at UKC, too, by the way. Do you remember Jessica M---?
-- No, I don't think so, God, it's been .. what, twenty years?
-- Well, anyway, we talk about the good old days at UKC, one thing leads to another, we have a drink together, then two, then we both skip completely all the conference and go at it for a day and a half. It was great. But then, uh, she kind of hung on, lived only two hours away from me, we managed to get together a few times, and er, I notice she kind of gets sloppy, gets dreamy, talks endlessly on the phone, and how her husband treats her badly, tells her she looks old--and all that stupid BS, man, I tell you... And she calls at my home, hangs up, my wife gets even nastier. I get long e-mails, etc., etc. And then, oh, boy, this is good, her HUSBAND calls me! ANd he is all....

At that point, I am here realizing that this guy is going to tell me everything I don't care to know anyway, about that affair I don't care about, and this woman I do not know, I have not seen this guy for twenty years, trying to remember if he was not already an obnoxious asshole back then, and he is yelling all this in this booming voice in the empty restroom. Not that I care for my conference that much. But I have other ways to entertain myself than listening to this guy telling me how his clients' taxes might be all screwed up because he was screwing around this past Spring... And I am here thinking: who the hell is Jessica M----, anyway? Is that her maiden name or her married name ? (And at this rate, how many husbands ago?)

--... and then she tells me: "you know, he collects guns, by the way. But, don't worry, I hide his ammo..."
-- David, er, I am sorry, I need to get back to my panel here.
-- Oh, yeah, sure, sure. Anyway, all I am saying, man, is, just be careful when you screw around, they are such a pain in the ass.
-- Well, yeah, if one is a pain in the ass, I guess two would be at least double the pain, then.
-- Worse, man, worse, at least three times, ah ah ah. Anyway, if you see Jessica M----, stay away.
-- Sure thing, David. Thanks for the tip. Good luck. It was great seeing you.
-- Same here, Buddy, same here. Actually, just between you and me, in my panel there is a cute little thing I could get interested in.
-- Ask her first if she has a husband with guns, OK?
-- Who cares? I'm not giving her my phone number, and I know she is from Phoenix, won't drive to come see me, Man, ah ah ah. Anyway, never have an affair at tax time, it can't be good.

Now, that, my friends, sure is a classy guy... I'll be looking for his face on national news one of these days, or on Dr. Phil.... maybe under the heading of "Lorena Bobbitt copy cat" happenings.... That will remind me of his last name...

And if I see Jessica M---, no doubt, I'll stay away... Because she does not have great judgment. And I suspect it's not just because of tax time....

PA & Primaries Follies

If you are betting we have not seen the end of the Democratic primaries drama, you are right on the money (keyword for "democracy" in this country). Hills is riding it all the way to june AND, that way, we can again succeed in doing at least half of Johnny boy's work and we may also yet again snap defeat out of the jaws of victory... AND let's not forget Ralphie the spoiler (and egomaniac) (Darth Nader) (whom I used to like and then he showed us how much he could destroy an entire country by letting the bad guys steal the election, deprive us of democracy, and get us the worst mess this country has ever known (mark my words, I know what a recession is, folks: We got it coming Beeeeg!! My estimate: 11% inflation now (and that I established on last Fall figures and prediction (gas, power bills, food, insurances & medical costs).

So vote Barack and pray, b/c good old politicking a la Hills or W and the steal of the 2000 elections (when AL was elected--W was elected in 2004, con~os!) is not going to get us out of this one. UNLESS we get a whole new player in the big house... And it is going to take electrifying charisma and ideaLs (as well as ideas), not down-home BS political theater, nor backroom deals and realities to get out of this mess.

In God we trust, United we stand, and kiss your derriere goodbye in due time. End of the American Dream, part N, or post-post-scriptum...

Intense Life V; a woman's scorn

Madame de Thoux could be surprising. I once learned by accident as I was in a florist shop that for two and a half years, she made a point of sending every week, a dozen dead roses to a woman she despised. I suspected, but never knew for sure, that there had been a touch of Mr. de Thoux in the whole thing, that either that woman made a run for him or that he tried something with her, but it may just have been that famous female jealousy, the type that only women can display and push to the hilt towards another woman, the intellectual verison of the infamous cat fight, if you will. There was never any card or any note with the dead flowers, the shopboy told me when he remembered a picture from a newspaper featuring both Mme de Thoux and me talking (of nothing) at some intermission of a concert or play at the local theater.

I was surprised at first but then, in fact, I could see the brilliant touch of Mme de Thoux, no explanation, no elaboration, a la Disraeli ("never explain, never complain") she just had the perfect tool; nothing to pin on her, no insult or language written, but a dozen dead flowers. She had come to set it up thefirst time, epxlained she would send money, in cash, no less every month for then ext four or five deliveries, no questions asked..

And what did it say? "You get the useless, and you get my scorn, I could send you live, beautiful flowers, but the effort and money I spend are to remind you of your littleness, no need to lower myself to sign or say anything, but I am not forgetting, and not forgetting." Only women can be this long, this silently and murderously vicious and vengeful for somethign that apears unrounded...
And you can't sue that...

It achieved nothing (well, maybe give the impression of Big Sister weighing down on her to that other woman), it just was, period. You don't sue over that, you can't call the cops, and Mme de Thoux, the little shopboy revealed to me in confidence, hadb ene very clear that tehre would be no link to her, clear? He was in awe... If she had asked him to collect and send canine excrement to the mayor or the Pope, he would have done it, enjoying the show, not even realizing he could belegally at fault.

That was Mme de Thoux. Silent, but perseverant, no need to explain but intelligent, matter-of-factly and well-thought.

And I could imagine her, walking in, with the diamonds of her yes planted into that youngman "It shall be so" and completely subjugated, enslaved by her as by a magic wand, he would walk through fire for her, just because.

I smiled, and told him never to reveal this to anyone else, ever, "or else". I walked out smiling widely, knowing he would now think I was in on it, or even threatening. Women!



Women do that

Good (and I mean "GOOD") ol' US of A--and a P-S. !!!

I lost a cat, my talking, almost-human cat, the 'creature' (I can't say "person" but I should) I have been talking to and with the most for the last eight months (my wife now travels extensively for her work). Anyway, my darling companion goes, by accident, right through the screen of a screened-in porch from his favorite corner. And I discover that two hours too late...

And of course, I can't find him, fliers, neighbors, vets, shelters, you name it. And I still have not found him and have a bad, sad feelign about this. If he is alive, may he have found love and comfort elsewehre, if that is what it has to be... Maybe he will reappear ... one day...

But the part I wish to talk about is how out of this came up a very positive remnant of the "Good Ol' US of A" we all remember so well, and miss all too often in these times of war, mass murders, excesses, debatable cultural icons (Paris, Brit, Lindsay), etc.

When you lose a pet, the local paper runs an ad for free for one week; so does the local ad paper (the Ad-Pak); so do a TV station, a radio station, some places will even xerox and run copies for you (that one may have been due to my own obvious affection for my cat and .. maybe .. personal charm???). But THIS, is the America I knew: the humanitarian, the human and humane, the concerned, the responsive, the "nice" one, the one that said: "the prime real estate in New York City, we will donate for the United Nations," the Peace Corps and aid type, the one that you could count on on to help, do the right thing (yeah, yeah, I know, we also meddled and watched out for ourselves, OK, we are not completely stupid, yes, no one really is, consciously or not, let's be real....)

Anyway, that little piece of "freebie" if you wish to call it so, gave me hope. Thought I would share this little positive discovery...

Now, I'd love to have my feline companion back, the previous one was with me over 21 years (yes, twenty-one, yes, a cat, I know cats, I treat them well, I understand them)- You want people to be nice to you? Treat them well first, then you'll see they'll treat you in kind. Cats are people too....

Burt I guess I have already had my miracle for the year (see the Easter posting), and so, that is how things are, I guess.. sniff..


post-scriptum, 2 days later: Of course, I forgot.... REALITY!!!

The radio station tells you that of course they'll air the spot (the manager even confirms) but the DJ is in charge and he confirms that... they'll air it IF they can, when they can, but "no promises, you know, program needs first, really sorry, we'll try..."

The newspaper "overlooks" the free ad the first day the ad is to be published, apologizes, and then it does not appear either the second day (today) --thanks, that way, the weekend is lost for potential help identifying the lost kitty in someone's backyard or neighborhood and a cat with a kidney problem might burst it by now... If I had been told, I would have paid for the ad and by now maybe (just maybe, who knows? you know...) maybe the ad would be out and I could save the cat's life, thanks! [In the end, the ad did appear, for free, YES, true! And later... so did the cat, on morning number 6, at the exact same time as he disappeared through the screen (He must have eaten a swiss watch on the way out....]

The TV Station in fact does not do it any more, you know, too many lost pets, blablabla.

BUT they all remain on the list and hand out of the shelter, where I am going back this morning, and the shelter will tell you they don't really want to make a stick, reflect reality behind the deceptive advertizing of humanity and caring, and antagonize posislbe sponsors or helpers for their shows and fund-raising events, fairs, etc. in favor of lost pets and so the handout remains andthe false advertizing.....

Yeap, Good Ol' US of A. The surface and the depth... facade and reality... the good, the bad and the ugly (and I know it is an Italian western, that fits: things are not as they appear!!!) Even if the motto of North Carolina, Esse quam videri, is precisely "to be rather than to seem"....

Sad. Thanks, guys, I had my hopes up, you got them up,.. and now down. and shall I come bury the cat in the front lawn of your corporate offices or headquarters ?
IF I ever find the body... Cats die privately, under bushes, etc.. but someone may have found him and already put him in the trashcart...

Or maybe he will show one of those amazing resilencies cats are famous for, kidneys or not...

To all real women; HELEN MIRREN rules.

To all women (no, I am not paraphrasing Julio and Willie, just women in general.. and I bet, anyway, some of the women Julio and Willie have had before might not be my type...well, who knows???)

If I could choose a woman, I'd choose Helen Mirren..

And I say that... of course, not really thinking to have her as ...my mom (oops, sorry, "have" has... a second connotation here that I did not intend, at least.. not knowingly) but also because, Ladies, I know you worry about our society's emphasis on looks and youth, etc.. but frankly, I'll take Helen Mirren any time over Britney Spears (who is a lost kid, poor girl, what a life already!) or Paris Hilton
(And then we have to talk brains, too....)

Helen Mirren: class and sex appeal, period. Questions and comments, anyone?
What? Susan Sarandon? Ah, yes, ok, but second to Helen.

And guys, don't bother too much with women under thirty-five, they're not done or finished yet. Let ripen, enjoy later, guaranteed recipe. I am not going to say "trust me" because my rule is: "Do not trust any guy who says "trust me" ! "

That is the Helen Mirren rule (pass 35, first)
And I would even say: "Helen Mirren Rules!"

And, apart from Cleopatra (supposedly), and my friend Alison (one L, yes, Brit spelling), no one has a nose like that.

Viva Helen Mirren, Viva real women!

Reality check: Are John McCain and the Pope kidding?

Two Items from the news of the day:

1. That politicians pander shamelessly (in fact: shamefully) to voters in election years (or in any year) is not new, OK. But offering to give us 18 cents back a gallon until Memorial Day weekend is... ludicrous, if not offensive, and.. low.
Yes, if you look at the total numbers, it is a lot of money but that is the amount of yet another loss for the Fed (i.e., all of us), and we are in need, oh yes.
And we have not yet seen it all, it is just starting (you know what I am talking about, right?... The thing, the word with the R at the beginning); we are on our way down and big time, folks, Do fasten your seat belts for the end of the American century (it was.. last century, the twentieth! We are now in the twenty-FIRST) and we are going to re-enter the cacophonious concert of nation, to be one like the others, with the others, whether we like it or not. Because the people who have been financing us for the last twenty-five years or so are now beginning to tighten the noose around us, because they want or need their share of the goodies (natural resources, to begin with), or they are fed up with our childish ways and worried they won't see their money back.

So, John, (and all others like him), come on, really!!! I fill up and you think the 2 or 3 dollars I will save will make a big difference to me??? How about $ 1 off per gallon? or even $ 2 ??? Or better yet, I have to learn to live within my means, drive less, drive more efficiently (a la grandpa, maybe, too), drive smaller cars.
We are the only nation to drive bigger, heavier, less fuel-efficient cars than in the last twenty years. The rest of the world, since 1990 has downsized, all of them, except the US.
It's been fun, oh, yes! Now.. let's be real. Keep the 18 cents, John, especially if we are going to stay in Iraq for 100 years.

2. And then there is the Pope, always good for another reality check: the Pope has been wishing for a "successful" visit to the US. Well, of course, we all wish that, I do want a "successful" visit, too, any place, any time, not just for me, for you too, for everybody, I am as good as the next guy or gal.

But what IS a "successful" visit? That the US would end up following a lot of what the Pope preaches? There might be some good thigns, there, yes, quite possibly. But there is also a lot of medieval stuff, and I have a feeling women, to begin somewhere, do not like what he preaches -- assuming we do pay attention to what Popes say!..
First of all, no woman can be priest, and I am not sure women are less moral than men or whatever the cause might be for this discrimination -- which has been going on for many centuries and yet the Pope also asks for more equality among people, and rightly so! We should ALL wish for that. So, er, your Popiness, isn't it hard to reconcile equality and discrimination? And I'll stop right here, there is no need to ask you about anything else, you discriminate, and that is not even the law of our land. Not that discrimination does not exist any more just because it is the law. We should wish we were that ...successful, precisely!!

And then, people won't change because you say so, even if you ask nicely (I bet you will admonish and chastise, anyway, I have seen the show before). It does not even work in your own country -- well, OK, The Vatican is not exactly a country and there are no women there, or not many, (or they are not supposed to be there, just like a lot of those boys we heard about), or they aren't exactly your average woman--wait, unless.. you have cleaning ladies?? I bet you do! -- OK, let's use Italy, then: or even all of Western Europe, which you tried to conquer for centuries, by the way: The same news report stated that only 10% (and that's of Catholics only!) go to church. So, why not try to be successful at home? Or, is it why you come here? Relocation? Looking to outsourcing? Better opportunities?

I wonder if you know, or will meet, John McCain? The two of you need to rethink things and get the right vocabulary. He is looking for a VP spot, by the way, you might like it. Plus you are more or less the same age, lots of common memories probably. But you guys might not be able to talk to each other, just because you are of different religions, oh, oh...

In the meantime, we still can't vaccinate every child in this country (not to mention every child in the world), we still can't guarantee decent wages to all, or medical insurance to all, or a decent education (did you see the recent stats on high school dropouts? We are receding!)
And so, your Holiness and John, if you can achieve any of these hereabove goals, that would be successful! But it will take much more than 18 cents a gallon. Would $ 18 (yes, DOLLARS!) a gallon guarantee it? Probably not even.

So, let's find other leaders, OK? Even if both of you are decent guys -- and maybe you are, maybe you are not, but let's face reality, folks. Get out of the millionaires' life and let's get serious about real problems.

How to rid yourself of sadness

One of my friends is going through a very rough time and posted a blog mulling about sadness and how you get rid of it. She suggested chocolate and some people responded with variations on the theme (white chocolate, booze, music, whatever)

My answer:
You take the sadness/depression into as much of the night as you can, crank up the stereo (probably with headphones, buds, what have you, if you have a family or neighbors) and you WRITE it out, the whole night if needed.
I guarantee you that not only will you discover you are a writer AGAIN, or become one, but by 4 am or daybreak, you will find a new you and let the shtuff behind you. The only problem is... you might find another load of shtuff awaiting you later that second day. Keep writing it out. sooner or later, you will write fantastic stuff from the guts or you'll shake the blues off.

Note/warning: it takes a trainload of nervous energy BUT in the very long run, you'll wrestle that gorilla into the ground. Guaranteed.

Second note/warning: beware of chocolate: there is a low after the high... Been there, done that, I know. (I assume booze or other external ingested "helper" or crutches will do the same: at best, it's temporary and it probably makes it all worse after a while, probably even a short while. If you don't have the way out in you, you don't have a way out.

Now.. someone suggested "confit de canard" (duck in aspic juice or the like)--or any other fav food: might work, I don't know, never drowned my sorrows in confit de canard.. I do confit de connerie(s)--see above! (i.e., my own internal literary BS concoctions, combustions, compulsions, etc...

Good luck...