Intense life: side bars: Big Sister
--Mme de Thoux, as usual, managed to find me while I was traveling to deliver a talk in her neck of the woods and invited me for a drink in her new house. A marvel of impeccable taste and decoration, magnificent (though a little bare, or barren, and cold, in my opinion, but I am not of the same school of living and daily things...)
You could sense the class, yes, but also the emptiness in the perfect arrangement of things. And while it was a beauty, with flowers everywhere, art, state of the art appliances, and intelligent use of space and surfaces, it only had live when she was in. I did not ask where M. de Thoux was. I had a very nice time, all thanks to her personality and unique warmth, but left two hours later, if that, with a strange feeling that she was very lonely in her palace, and would easily abandon all that for a little life and human warmth, or even... reality?
-- Much to my surprise, I discovered years later, in fact a whole decade later, that one of my talks, which I had been invited to give a few hundred miles away, had been thoroughly, if unofficially, sponsored by Mme de Thoux all on her own.
Again, I was surprised at the skills, the interest, the tender indifference of this unusual woman. The woman who told me this, very casually and matter-of-factly, has I was doing small talk at a professional gathering about ten years later, told me that in fact, Mme de Thoux had been personally involved and that it took a lot of work. I was clearly surprised, as was that woman when she realized I had no idea that I had an involved benefactor who has pulled all the strings and gotten down to nitty-gritty work on my behalf.
-- As I reflected upon Mme de Thoux's involvement in, and support of, so many parts of my life, her sneaky follow-up and unofficial help in many of my endeavors from behind the scene, I also wondered if she was not just planning her "post-M. de Thoux" life, with me in the role of the chosen heir and next... next what? Next husband? Next companion, official or not?
I certainly was not ready or sure that I wanted that, and it appeared to be a ludicrous thought. But she certainly was one of the toughest, most dynamic (as in "active") pursuers of all her goals I had ever encountered. And her unique mix of money and power, charm, her quiet but powerful, if not irresistible, ways of convincing and motivating people to do what she wanted, was quite a... weapon?
One might say she was calculating, others might see it as do-good volunteer work, a kind of active and personalized philanthropy. But I also knew she was in a way courting me, even if actively supporting cultural and intellectual endeavors, thank you, yes.
I developed an uneasy feeling that I was getting slowly but surely caught, or trapped, in a gilded cage, although I was officially totally free. And yet, anywhere, any time,it seemed I was never free from Mme de Thoux's reach, a kind of benevolent Big Sister... of sorts.
Not that I was always unwilling, but unknowing most of the time, yes I was.
I felt a bit like Candid in the world of politicking and influence trafficking, a pawn, in any case, in the hands of a benevolent witch, or of a good fairy?
An aged boy toy, whose brains (if any), personality, and independence did not matter to the puppet handler...
You could sense the class, yes, but also the emptiness in the perfect arrangement of things. And while it was a beauty, with flowers everywhere, art, state of the art appliances, and intelligent use of space and surfaces, it only had live when she was in. I did not ask where M. de Thoux was. I had a very nice time, all thanks to her personality and unique warmth, but left two hours later, if that, with a strange feeling that she was very lonely in her palace, and would easily abandon all that for a little life and human warmth, or even... reality?
-- Much to my surprise, I discovered years later, in fact a whole decade later, that one of my talks, which I had been invited to give a few hundred miles away, had been thoroughly, if unofficially, sponsored by Mme de Thoux all on her own.
Again, I was surprised at the skills, the interest, the tender indifference of this unusual woman. The woman who told me this, very casually and matter-of-factly, has I was doing small talk at a professional gathering about ten years later, told me that in fact, Mme de Thoux had been personally involved and that it took a lot of work. I was clearly surprised, as was that woman when she realized I had no idea that I had an involved benefactor who has pulled all the strings and gotten down to nitty-gritty work on my behalf.
-- As I reflected upon Mme de Thoux's involvement in, and support of, so many parts of my life, her sneaky follow-up and unofficial help in many of my endeavors from behind the scene, I also wondered if she was not just planning her "post-M. de Thoux" life, with me in the role of the chosen heir and next... next what? Next husband? Next companion, official or not?
I certainly was not ready or sure that I wanted that, and it appeared to be a ludicrous thought. But she certainly was one of the toughest, most dynamic (as in "active") pursuers of all her goals I had ever encountered. And her unique mix of money and power, charm, her quiet but powerful, if not irresistible, ways of convincing and motivating people to do what she wanted, was quite a... weapon?
One might say she was calculating, others might see it as do-good volunteer work, a kind of active and personalized philanthropy. But I also knew she was in a way courting me, even if actively supporting cultural and intellectual endeavors, thank you, yes.
I developed an uneasy feeling that I was getting slowly but surely caught, or trapped, in a gilded cage, although I was officially totally free. And yet, anywhere, any time,it seemed I was never free from Mme de Thoux's reach, a kind of benevolent Big Sister... of sorts.
Not that I was always unwilling, but unknowing most of the time, yes I was.
I felt a bit like Candid in the world of politicking and influence trafficking, a pawn, in any case, in the hands of a benevolent witch, or of a good fairy?
An aged boy toy, whose brains (if any), personality, and independence did not matter to the puppet handler...
posted by kingba at 2:53 AM
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